 Make it all better when i'm feelin sad Tell me that i'm special even when i know i'm not Make me feel good when i hurt so bad And I'm so glad i found you" 
|
Poison Words~♥
Desires~♥
Make My Wish Happen
☐ MacBook Pro
☐ Burberry/Tods Bags
☐ Be Mrs Sani
☐ Morocco/Maldives
☐ Nice Renovated Own House
☑ Get Promoted
☑ Go on a last date
NuffNang~♥
Gossips~♥
Escapes~♥
Worth Reading,
Nadiah
The pasts~♥
Bitter-Sweet Moments ,
March 2010 l April 2010 l May 2010 l July 2010 l August 2010 l September 2010 l October 2010 l November 2010 l January 2011 l February 2011 l March 2011 l April 2011 l May 2011 l June 2011 l July 2011 l August 2011 l September 2011 l October 2011 l November 2011 l
My Music~♥
Applause~♥
Say thank you ,
Designed : Yours Truly♥♥
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Friday, April 30, 2010
You're a gift from heaven
Did I tell you that I love my girlfrens MUCH MUCH?
The greatest gift from heaven.
Not forgetting, my boyfriend too.
Enjoyed myself too much till I fall sick.
We shall remain this way forever but with multiple kids on tow in future. How fun that would be.
And I cant stop smiling imagining that.
I love you sisters
&
you, my boo.
:)
Friday, April 23, 2010
I am that sensitive
Been away because I dont feel like narrating.
Im still a confused bitch.
Full of hatred.
Seems God wants me to stay put and face these hurdles.
Im ready for a getaway but things are stopping my destiny to there, to everywhere.
Bangkok is worsening and that volcano at all times,it need to erupt now and roller coaster ride it has to stop.
I'll just have to bitch.
Im bad tempered.
I cussed.
I swear.
Overall, Im horrible.
Monday, April 12, 2010
A Light Of Hope
I told myself not to cry today, I failed.
My dad, he lost so much of weight. Nevermind about that. I can see my dad ageing. His white hair,its kindda cute. Alhamdulillah hes healthy only thing his having cough.
Hes fairer now. I can see his glowing face, that kind of clean face though theres blackheads here and there.
You know, I used to press out his blackheads on his face & back, massage his forever-aching-body & forever-tired-feet. I keep on complaining but I still do it at the end of the day just before he goes to sleep.
Now, I miss doing that for him.
I miss the touch of his hand. I miss kissing his hand and a peck on his cheek. I miss arguing with him and laughing at his corny jokes & his repeated stories. I miss sharing my stories everyday after work.
I miss someone who has been my listening ear.
I tried to be close to my mom. Doing something similiar like me and dad. It failed. We would end up quarelling and showing tantrums. Our life frequency never meet.
Eventually I will end up cooping myself in the room.
The only incommon thing my mom and I had is, when it comes to religous class, religious activity like maulid, selawat, syarahan, ngaji, deba'ie, qasidah and nasyids..We share the same interest.
Thats all.
I dont know what & where goes wrong but one thing for sure, we are at totally different path.
Even when I first brought my boyfriend's family home, the one who planned and help me out was my dad. I cant even sit down and discuss things with her, we will end up quarelling. Its that bad.
I dont know how long it will last. Only God knows.
Anyway back to my dad,
he told me that he had been waking up in the middle of the night without fail and perform solat tahajjud and solat taubat.
I imagined him like the picture above of course without the songkok & juba.
He cried telling us that. He said that his dua's is to see me getting promoted again next year, ameen.
And he said one of his dua is to have a grandchild soon. He even described how he wants his first grandchild to be.
Smart like his first daughter, patient like mom and very firm like me.
Hilarious.
Gosh, I wish my future niece/ nephew & children wont follow my attitude. Too demanding, perfectionist and too fierce and of course horribly stubborn.
He even said that his friends there send their regards to us. That is cute. Step macam da kenal lame pulak. hehe..Anyway I started it first. At every end of conversation I will tell my dad, 'pak, kirim salam kawan2 bapak kat sane. Cakap ngan dorang jgn gaduh2.' hehe..aku ni macam paham gitu ek.
These are the little things in life that makes us smile even though our heart wrenched and ached terribly.
On a happy note, my dad will get interviewed next month. Hope it will be a happy one. My only wish for my birthday this year is to have dad by my side. That would be the best and happiest present I ever had. Hope Allah grant my wish.
Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahu, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui. (al-Baqarah: 216)
At times when Im feeling down, I will always remind myself with this phrase and somehow Im given the inner strength to move on..because I know that Allah knows whats best for me.
What do you get after rain? Ray, sunshine and rainbow.
And I can see and the feel the light of hope is going to shine on us soon.
Anyway Im going to write a letter. A VERY formal letter. I'll be drafting one soon and I need kak ifah's, uncle yusoff and nadiah's help. I need some brainstorming from you guys.
YES! its u SHARIFFAH NADIAH!
Ive get over and done with that matter. I am like whatever with that. Anyway nad, Im sorry that I call you names but seriously you deserve it. haha!
Can I call you an idiot?
lol.
We MaY FiGhT aNd We MaY cRy.
BuT mY LoVe fOr yOu WiLL nEvEr DiE.
I'LL cArE fOr YoU TiLl ThE eNd.
BeCaUsE yOuR mY bEsTeSt fRiEnD!"
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Flying On A Jet Plane Soon
Just like the other day,my another dream came true. It may sounds weird but the dreams I had lately came true.
I dreamt alot. People involved in my life.
I dreamt her being preggy. It came true. But thats not what I want in reality. I dreamt bout my dad so many times. I was so happy then. I felt his presence. I heard his laughter. I see him smile. But I cried when reality woke me up. I cant stop hoping that it came true,one day.
Im emotionally stressed, for sure. Crying myself to sleep is not fun.
Ive made up mind to go for a holiday in June. Hope andak wont disappoint me. We planned to go bangkok.
Time for me to go.
Im tired of the house. Im tired of the faces at home. Im tired of cooping myself in the room.
Im tired. Im so sick of listening to my mom and aunt telling me to control my emotion, reminding me not to let the secret out to relatives, stay united. Why should I stay united when you didnt even give me a chance to let me cry my heart out?
Hello?? Do I look like someone who go around knocking people's door and asked for sympathy?
And in my 24 yrs of life, relatives and family was not even there for me when I needed the most. So why the hell you're telling me not to this and that??
All this while,my friends are the ones who have been there for me throughout.
Why tell me now?
Why?
And how I envied my friends and boyfriend's family, they are so intact. Moved as one. Why cant this happen to me and my family?
I cant help it but to point fingers at everyone because it was not my decision to be here.
I wished I was given a chance to choose my own family.
At one stage of life,when my mind has made up, its final.
For sure, I wont regret and blame others because it was my own decision.
And they say I should be happy because Im going to be an auntie soon.
I am an auntie. I have godsons & god daughters.
If you are referring to her,then,
Sorry,Im not interested at all.
My love for them, had went astray,far away.
Its lost.
And do you know Im looking for a part time job. Yeah Im thinking of working on sat & sun. Im not desperate for money but Im desperate to be in my own world.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
God hear me cry out..
Im ranting when Im not suppose to do so. Migraine struck and I vomitted my food out this morning and Im having phobia to eat. I was alright after that but it makes me nausea again when I happened to read someone's twitter. Oi! Dalam banyak2 keje kenape laki kau nak join PSA ha??
Im praying hard that he dont get the job at all because I dont want them to even know my boyfriend.
Seriously, there's this saying goes; 'the more you hate the person, the more God put them near you."
Its very true la. Im experiencing them myself.
Going to meditate myself.
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
*Im not going to hate her*
aku macam nak nangis!!
:(((((
Friday, April 2, 2010
Hush little baby
Tonight marks my 79th night of cry myself to sleep. Never occur that it will happen in my life. Lets take it as there's always a first time to everything. I dont know how long I will have to cry myself to sleep. I'll pray it soon be over.
The Calling_Wherever You Will go has been on repeat mode for the past one hour.
Dedicated just for you.
Sweet dreams Dad.
:)